Which bit of a trip to the swimming baths do you actually look forward to most?

Up and down you go, counting lengths and dodging the fast lane show-off. You come out feeling smug for the rest of the day.

You sit there melting on a slatted bench, wondering how long is long enough. Nobody speaks, but everyone's thinking it.

Eucalyptus in the air and your hair gone completely flat. Three minutes in and your shoulders finally drop.

You shuffle along until a jet hits right between your shoulder blades, then you refuse to move. Pure bliss for a quid extra.

Sat there with a towel round your neck and a proper appetite. Some would say this is the whole point of going.