Which British night out actually delivers the best evening? Rank them from top-tier to tolerable.

The classic: a corner table, a few rounds, and conversation that drifts from football to philosophy. Nothing fancy, just genuinely good company.

Sticky floors, a support act you'll pretend you knew, and a headliner three metres away. Small venues still deliver the best atmosphere in the country.

A proper sit-down curry, maybe a lager, and a slow walk home putting the world to rights. Understated but consistently brilliant.

A basement room, a two-drink minimum and an open mic that swings from tragic to genius. When it lands, nothing beats it.

Not for everyone, but the right club night with the right crowd is still a cultural staple. Bonus points if it ends at a kebab shop.