Which overpriced 'healthy' café order do you secretly think is a total swindle?

A thimble of celery, kale and ginger that tastes like a compost heap and vanishes in three sips. Somehow still marketed as 'a wellness investment'.

The drink that turned every Shoreditch freelancer into an evangelist. Costs more than a pint and stains your teeth like a bad fake tan.

Three dates, a cashew and a whisper of cacao, wrapped in compostable packaging and priced like a Fabergé egg. Gone in one bite.

Two slices of bread, half a mashed avo and some chilli flakes. The dish that launched a thousand thinkpieces about millennial finances.

Frozen purple mush topped with granola, banana and enough honey to power a bee farm. Basically pudding for breakfast, but somehow £11.