Which relationship 'ick' actually makes you reconsider the whole thing?

They flash a smile your way but bark at the poor soul bringing the tapas. A Wetherspoons character test they've quietly failed.

Three-day reply gaps followed by 'haha sorry just saw this'. The emotional equivalent of a delayed Northern Rail service.

Calculator out, itemising the garlic bread. There's frugal, and then there's making your date feel like an HMRC audit.

Funny how every pub, song and weekend trip somehow loops back to them. You're not a partner, you're a therapist on minimum wage.

Shallow? Absolutely. But watching them sprint for the 73 with arms windmilling has genuinely ended situationships across the nation.