Which sleep saboteur ruins your night most — rank the worst offenders

You promised yourself you'd put the phone down at 10pm. It's now 1:47am and you're watching a stranger reorganise their fridge in Stevenage.

Your brain waits until your head hits the pillow to rerun every cringe moment of your life in 4K HDR. Cheers, brain.

You drift off easily after a few at the local, but wake at sunrise with a dry mouth and existential dread. Alcohol-fragmented sleep is the silent killer of British weekends.

They sleep the sleep of the righteous while you contemplate smothering them with a John Lewis pillow. Earplugs only do so much.

British houses can't decide if they're a sauna or a meat locker. You spend half the night negotiating with a 13.5 tog like it's a hostage situation.